Parental alienation ‘a complicated issue’ with no easy answers

By Tony Poland, LegalMatters Staff • Parental alienation can cause long-lasting or even permanent damage to family relationships and is easily misunderstood, says Toronto family lawyer A. Julia P. Tremain. 

“There is an abundance of social study research on parental alienation syndrome but there is also a huge debate about whether it actually exists,” says Tremain, a partner with Waddell Phillips Professional Corporation. “It is a complicated issue. When a child is seen to be resisting spending time with one parent, people may use the term alienation. But that child may have a good reason. Should that resistance be seen to exist as a psychological problem?

“It is an extremely challenging issue,” she tells LegalMattersCanada.ca.  “It is one of the most difficult things that family court judges must deal with.”

It is reported that American child psychiatrist Richard Gardner coined the phrase “parental alienation syndrome” after witnessing situations where children were being turned against a parent as the result of a divorce or bitter custody battle. 

Concept has gained traction in family court

While many experts have doubts about the existence of a syndrome, the concept of parental alienation has gained traction in family courts around the world, according to media reports.

Psychology Today states that the “clinical understanding of parental alienation is evolving.”

It is not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – a guidebook used by mental health professionals to diagnose mental health conditions ­– “but some suggest that it could fall under ‘parent-child relational problem’ as one of a set of concerns that may merit clinical attention,” Psychology Today reports, adding some researchers believe it is a form of emotional child abuse and family violence.

Signs parental alienation may be taking place can include:

• one parent badmouthing the other in front of the child;
• making false allegations of domestic abuse;
• preventing the child from having contact with the targeted parent;
• making negative remarks about the targeted parent’s family;
• controlling the child’s relationship with the targeted parent. For example, monitoring text messages, phone calls or other interactions;
• sharing negative details of the marriage with the child;
• offering more appealing plans to the child in an effort to discourage them from seeing the targeted parent even if it is their sanctioned time;
• forcing the child to choose between parents; and
• referring to the targeted parent by their name instead of mom or dad;

Researchers say the long-term mental health consequences for children include an increased risk of depression, anxiety, as well as lowered self-esteem and general quality of life.

‘It is not a health care term’

Several years ago, the World Health Organization (WHO) was urged to include parental alienation in the International Classification of Diseases. However, the WHO decided against it “because it is not a health care term. The term is rather used in legal contexts, generally in the context of custody disputes in divorce or other partnership dissolution.”

Tremain says in her experience the issue tends to come up most often in “high-conflict situations.” While there are conflicting studies about the long-term effect on families it is a cause for concern in family courts, she says.

“Everybody, judges included, is troubled by it,” says Tremain. “I believe judges struggle with the issue because it can be so difficult to ascertain what is really happening in the home, and then it can be really challenging to craft a solution. Especially, for example, with a teenager who absolutely refuses to see one parent. What do you do? Use police intervention to force them?”

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“No contact between a parent and a child can lead to a permanent estrangement down the road,” she adds. “There is also the possibility that the child could resent the so-called ‘alienating parent’ if they re-establish a relationship with the other parent and discover that there really was no reason not to see them.”

There can be circumstances when a parent should not be allowed to have access to a child, especially in cases of family violence, Tremain says. 

However, simply making a claim of violence is not enough to deny a parent access to their children, she says.

Up to a judge to determine

“It is up to a judge to decide if there is evidence to support the claim,” Tremain explains. “Sometimes that evidence is not there but it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Domestic violence can be extremely difficult to prove because it happens behind closed doors and people often don’t call the police or speak to their doctor. You could have a domestic violence allegation by the mother and a parental alienation claim by the father. It is up to a judge to decide what to do with that information.”

It can be difficult to get a proper understanding of the family dynamic without counselling, she says, and that can be expensive. There are some free or affordable counselling services available but there is a waiting list and families could wait many months for help while the problem festers, says Tremain.

Without that understanding, it can be difficult to really know if a parent is turning their child against their former partner, she says.

“Maybe it is true. But sometimes children refuse to see one parent because they are tired of the conflict and need to get out of it,” says Tremain. “Some of that may be because of subconscious messages they are getting from one parent. They may feel that they cannot mention the other parent or talk about things they have done with them because the one they are with will be angry and upset.

“Sometimes it is self-preservation,” she adds. “It is just children saying, ‘My coping strategy is to remove myself from the situation.’ Parental alienation is a difficult issue to grapple with and there really are no easy answers.” 

Next month, A. Julia P. Tremain will examine the consequences of parental alienation and offer advice to avoid it.