Plot your children’s future path with a parenting plan

By Tony Poland, LegalMatters Staff • A parenting plan is a “road map” that helps couples navigate their children’s future once their relationship ends, says Toronto family lawyer A. Julia P. Tremain. 

“Having this type of agreement is important for parents because it allows them to move forward and ensure that they are on the same page with respect to how they will handle their child-rearing decisions and responsibilities,” says Tremain, a partner with Waddell Phillips Professional Corporation. “The ideal plan should be both specific and flexible to meet their child’s needs as they grow and change.”

She tells LegalMattersCanada.ca that depending on the circumstances, parents can make their agreement “as simple and straightforward or as complicated as they wish.” 

“These agreements do not have to be approved by a court,” says Tremain. “However, if you are filing for divorce, the court will want to see a separation agreement that includes a parenting plan. The court is primarily concerned about child support. Judges will want to see that children are being properly cared for.”

Government of Canada offers advice

The Government of Canada sets out steps parents should take when making a parenting plan, suggesting the need to seek advice from a family lawyer “so that you understand your legal rights and responsibilities before finalizing your plan.”

“The problem is that there is almost always something that parents fail to anticipate,” says Tremain. “Many times, people have not really turned their minds to the future or they miss details that could lead to conflict a few years down the line. That is why it is helpful to have legal counsel. An experienced lawyer has usually dealt with the many issues that can arise.”

She says if you are a parent, your relationship with your former partner never really ends after the breakup.

“You are going to have many different life events such as graduations and weddings,” Tremain explains. “There will be holidays, vacations and, in the majority of cases, shared parenting decisions. Parents will have some type of communication with each other if they are both in their children’s lives.”

How couples approach a parenting plan is important, she says.

‘Your agreement is a road map’

“Parents are essentially sending a message to their children so this is their opportunity to model some really good behaviour,” says Tremain. “Your agreement is a road map in terms of how the relationship will work.

“You want to make your plan as comprehensive as you possibly can. For instance, some parenting agreements have very detailed sections about communication, relying on an app such as OurFamilyWizard so that the email exchanges are located in one place and neither party can alter or delete anything,” she adds. “Other parents may not want to use a communication tool. They have no problem picking up the phone and talking to the other person. It will depend on the couple and how friendly or acrimonious the relationship is when making some of these decisions.”

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Some parents are comfortable without an agreement, preferring to make decisions on issues as they come up, Tremain says.

“People can choose to just come to an agreement with respect to how their children should be raised and negotiate issues as they arise,” she says. “But problems could occur if there is a major disagreement about school or holidays, for example.

“You would not have a parenting plan to point to. If you get into a dispute with your former partner, obviously it would be beneficial to have an if you have to appear before a judge.”

Parents may choose to include a review

Along with negotiating a plan that is specific and flexible, parents may choose to include a periodic review, Tremain advises.

“It forces you to think about how the children are growing up and how things might change,” she says. “Circumstances are going to be different when your child is 14 than they were when they were two. It is not practical to predict what they are going to do in terms of extracurricular activities or whether they will need extra tutoring at school. That is why you want to have some flexibility built in.”

Your child’s interests will impact the parenting agreement, Tremain says. For example, a child might develop an interest in hockey, which can be time-consuming, she says.

“One parent may be more invested in it and will offer to take the child to all their hockey games and practices,” Tremain says. “But that might interfere with the other parent’s time with their child. That can be problematic because you can then end up with an unintentional deviation from the parenting plan.” 

Extracurricular activities can also be expensive, she says.

Paying for extracurricular activities may present challenges

“If you are looking at a costly activity, such as hockey, at what point do you need consent from the other parent?” Tremain asks. “One parent may earn $40,000 annually while the other earns $200,000. It might be challenging for the parent who earns less to come up with the money for equipment, registration and ice time, even if the payment owning is in proportion to each parent’s income.”

A parenting plan is the most important agreement parents will negotiate so it takes time and serious thought, she says.

“Your plan will determine how you are going to manage the relationship with your ex as to how you are going to co-parent,” Tremain says. “Children are hugely important so how you present the separation to them matters as well. They should be told that you are separating but you both still love them.  At the same time, these are adult decisions and you are both going to do what you think is best for them. This tells your children that you are on the same page when it comes to their health and welfare.”